I owe the doctors at Colombia’s Simon Bolivar hospital an apology. Earlier this week I wrote that they initially refused, on the basis of conscience, to grant a legal abortion to an 11-year-old girl who had been raped by her stepfather. In fact, they hesitated to perform the procedure because they feared prosecution (given the newness of Colombia’s abortion law), and when the Constitutional Court gave them the green light, they performed the procedure without delay. My apologies for the misattribution of their motives: that’ll teach me to trust the Catholic Information Agency as a reliable source.

The doctors may have covered their legal bases, but oops—guess who they forgot to ask? That’s right: the Vatican, custodian of the 8-week-old fetuses of 11-year-old rape survivors worldwide. As you can imagine, Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo (famous for his theory that condoms spread AIDS; his 57-page tirade against abortion, contraception, same-sex marriage, and in vitro fertilization; and his fear that “speaking in defense of life and the rights of families is becoming in some societies sort of a crime against the state”) was quick to announce the imminent excommunication of the medical team that performed the abortion in Colombia last week. And in case you were wondering, that threat doesn’t just apply to the “evildoing” doctors and nurses: according to Trujillo, all related “relatives, politicians and lawmakers” may also be at risk for excommunication. So look out, guy who was selling peanuts outside Simon Bolivar hospital last week: Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo might be coming for YOU!  

Of course, the Catholic hierarchy’s reaction to this case comes as no surprise. But I’m sorry, with everything that’s happening in the world right now—Lebanon, Iraq, Guantanamo, Darfur, Afghanistan, global poverty, female infanticide in China and India, crippling natural disasters resulting from a deep disrespect for the earth—these are the best evildoers that the Vatican can come up with? Not to micromanage, but if the Pope is so invested in picking on ordinary citizens, maybe he should start by excommunicating the guy who got his 11-year-old stepdaughter pregnant.