As the youngest and only girl in my family, I was the epitome of a daddy’s girl.  At 3, I loved pretending to be a princess.  At 13, however, I would have rather died than share intimate details of my teenage world with either of my parents – and they were totally open.  I can only imagine the mortification I would have felt if my father stood up at my Bat Mitzvah pledging to protect me and my precious virginity until the day he passed me off through marriage – not to mention had he asked me to make the same promise in front of all those people. Oy. 

But that is exactly what Focus on the Family and other organizations are promoting with Daddy-Daughter Purity Balls, complete with pledges of chastity, promises to guard virginity, and vows to oppose abortion.  Even more disturbing about this practice is that rather than opening lines of communication about sex, these symbolic promises are meant to be sufficient. 

The Purity Balls are modern-day virgin debutante affairs for daddies and their little girls.  The intended effect of these events is to create “a memorable ceremony for daughters to pledge commitments to purity and their fathers to pledge commitments to protect their girls.”  The young women dress in fancy gowns, are doted on by their fathers, and then asked to take an oath, pledging virginity until marriage. 

What’s not provided, however, are the real facts that will actually protect the daughters of these fathers from sexually transmitted diseases or teenage pregnancy.  Furthermore, should we really be putting weight on the word “yes” after a fancy evening out and being treated like royalty? 

A recent study published in the American Journal for Public Health has highlighted the failure of these so-called promises and virginity pledges. As Columbia University sociology professor Peter S. Bearman, states in the Washington Post, "Pledging leads to a form of promise-breaking that's riskier."  In other words, teens who break these pledges often engage in unprotected sex, further increasing their risk of infection, pregnancy, and the need for abortion. 

According to the National Campaign Against Teen Pregnancy, research shows that helping teens avoid early sexual involvement comes down to both parents and teens practicing common sense.  Tips include “…maintaining strong, close relationships with children and teens (check), setting clear expectations for them (check), and communicating honestly and often with them about important matters (not so sure).” 

Helping parents become more involved in their children’s lives is a commendable goal.  Nothing wrong with being creative either.  But avoiding the real facts or creating a fairy tale evening clearly does not work and only create new illusions for teens.  Absent more information, these fairy tales could end up with very unhappy endings.