2020 was an unprecedented year, and I spent most of it thinking about that one scene in Sex & the City where Carrie laments, “I need the weight of a man on top of me!”
And therefore I have resolutions for this new year, but true to form they will be about sex because I still refuse to indulge in any kind of resolution culture about exercise or work ethic or anything you would see on a Pinterest board.
Here are ten sex things I am resolving to embrace.
Actually have partnered sex (again)
If I had known last January what the year had in store I would have said yes to a lot more dates, but alas I didn’t have a crystal ball, and so my sex statistics for 2020 were abysmal, to say the least. And that’s OK—I was responsible and decided that as much as I love having sex, I like breathing more.
Sex. Abortion. Parenthood. Power.
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That being said, I think the universe should reward me for my service by ensuring that 2021 is filled with as much hot sweaty passionate lovemaking as possible. Basically every time I look down, there should be a man’s face between my legs.
Be more vulnerable during sex
The last few years of my life have been hectic: juggling law school and a chronic illness, maintaining some semblance of a social life, and taking hot selfies for Instagram. Nurturing the kind of relationship that would allow for vulnerability in intimacy is not something I budgeted for. That is not to say I don’t love me some casual sex! I wouldn’t give up all that backseat head and all those first-date messy hookups for the world.
But in 2021 I’d like to have more of the kind of sex where I can communicate easily about what gets me off: more sex with people who know my body well. I’m especially excited about this one because I also have some resolutions involving things I’d like to try that I will not be sharing with the class but will be much more fun under these circumstances.
Expand my lingerie collection
I already have a very extensive collection of lingerie, which is why there is a critical part two to this resolution. Instead of buying it for myself, I would like the men I’m sleeping with to buy it for me.
Have orgasms during partnered sex
I really enjoy partnered sex and really enjoy orgasms—but I have trouble syncing the two. This is not unusual, nor something to be ashamed about. In the new year, I’d like to spend some time thinking about why I can get off in three minutes by myself, yet it’s hard for me with another human being in the mix, even if I’m enjoying myself. This likely has a lot to do with the pressures I still feel about my body and my sexual performance as a woman and how long it takes me to cum and what I look like when I’m with someone (see resolution two).
Meet a man who looks like Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse
This is self-explanatory.
Keep sexting and having phone/FaceTime sex like my life depends on it
If there is one thing this pandemic has taught me it is that my years of honing and nurturing my sexting skills were well spent. I’m sure that a lot of people learned to enjoy virtual sex for the first time this year, and I’d urge them to resolve not to abandon these pleasures in 2021.
As we return to in-person sex, I am excited to get back to using virtual sex for foreplay and for vetting new partners. Because if I was a sexting expert *before* 2020, I am now a sexting PhD. So, yes, that is Dr. Caroline Reilly to you.
Incorporate more sex toys in partnered sex
If there is a second thing this pandemic has taught me it’s that I would like to be buried with my vibrator like the ancient Egyptians, so I can ensure an afterlife of perfect, blissful orgasms. As I’ve said, orgasms during partnered sex have proved largely elusive for me, so I think incorporating one into partnered sex more regularly will help close that orgasm gap in my life. My vibrator has been there in the best of times and the worst of times, and it looks forward to a 2021 filled with the solo times and the partnered times.
Never again have sex with a partner who is not enthusiastic about oral sex
In the immortal words of Amy Poehler in her memoir, Yes Please: “If you don’t eat pussy, keep walking.”
Stop being apologetic about my chronic illness
I have endometriosis, a chronic health condition that can cause pelvic pain, fatigue, organ damage, and infertility. For years I’ve dealt with painful penetrative sex; before I had excision surgery to treat my endometriosis, I used to bleed heavily for days after penetration. I’ve spent years in physical therapy working to get my body to a point where I can enjoy sex of all kinds, including penetration, without pain. But like so many people, there are still times when it hurts. It makes me sad to admit that in the past I’ve pushed through the pain; I didn’t want to kill the mood, I didn’t want my partner to think I was broken, and I wanted them to be satisfied.
This year I’m resolving to be honest about what my body needs and to remind myself that—even with my chronic illness—I am a sex goddess who gives life-ruiningly good head.
Have a threesome
No, I will not tell you which kind!