The temperature’s dropping, your neighbors are blowing up their inflatable Santa, and “pro-life” advocates will be heading out to more than 75 abortion facilities across the country to sing Christmas carols. Why? Because the possibility of one mythical savior baby outweighs the 17,807 deaths nationwide over the past seven days.
Most of the Pro-Life Action League’s caroling missions will be held on Saturday, including two traveling tours in the Chicago area. Illinois, one of the states hit hardest by COVID-19, has had over 1,200 deaths in the last week alone.
Hopefully, these carolers will wear masks as they’re packed into vans and transported to clinics. Ideally, these carolers will remain masked while singing at the purportedly scared people obtaining abortion care. But honestly, we have the odd feeling the Venn diagram of anti-choice carolers and anti-maskers is a perfect circle.
“More than any other factor, it’s fear that drives a woman to seek abortion. Fear for her future, fear of giving birth, even fear over her partner’s reaction to her pregnancy,” says Eric Scheidler, executive director of the Pro-Life Action League. “These fears have only been compounded by the COVID pandemic and resulting economic downturn.”
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Naturally, fiscal insecurity as a result of an economic downturn would never be exacerbated by a newborn baby and the costs of raising a child—no way. According to the Washington Post, children bring an added expense of approximately $13,000 a year, but that’s just pocket change for a believer, right?
Following their thinking to its logical conclusion, Scheidler and the Pro-Life Action League have decided to triple down on the fear all people seeking abortion apparently feel by exposing them to not one, not two, but a whole choir of potential COVID-carriers with mouths open wide and larynges jangling.
This holiday season, you’ll hear anti-abortion carolers singing such Yuletide classics as “Silent Night,” “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” and “O Come All Ye Faithful,” while ignoring that, if God is so omnipotent and perfect, He’d put a failsafe in place to make sure Jesus wasn’t aborted. (After all, Mary could have aborted Jesus if she’d wanted to—there was no law against it.) Besides, everyone knows God’s all about his kid dying at 33. That way, Jesus can shout upward, “Yo dad, give ’em a pass. They don’t know what’s up” (Luke 23:34).
You know what else God is all about? Hating foreskins. He is still throwing a temper tantrum about foreskins, proving He’s very particular about when and how a child is violated:
“But an uncircumcised male who is not circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin, that person shall be cut off from his people; he has broken My covenant.” (Genesis 17:14)
“Circumcise yourselves to the Lord
And remove the foreskins of your heart,
Men of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem,
Or else My wrath will go forth like fire
And burn with none to quench it,
Because of the evil of your deeds.” (Jeremiah 4:4)
“On the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised.” (Leviticus 12:3)
“Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord, that I will punish all who are circumcised and yet uncircumcised” (Jeremiah 9:25)
“Christmas is all about the joy and hope that come into the world with the birth of a child” (emphasis ours), Scheidler further explains. “These carols call on us to make room in our hearts for the weak and vulnerable—to cast aside fear and find joy in the face of a newborn baby.”
Again, the birth is the important aspect here: We must protect the children until birthed, then mandatory mutilation commences followed by … nothing. Remember, after the birth of the savior, we didn’t hear from Jesus and the crew until 30 or so years later. And what about all of those babies born who don’t turn out to be Jesus?
Never mind the vulnerable, already-sentient—and living—populations overflowing ICUs across the United States. Or the essential workers with no choice but to enter the fray day after day to provide necessary, life-saving support. These carolers obviously need to put themselves and others at risk to get the message out: Our potential prophet matters more than you and your loved ones.
And after all, if a pregnant individual gets COVID-19 and dies, at least they won’t go on living with the knowledge that an unborn collection of cells sans identity was removed near Christmas. This is only applicable to Christians, of course. Anyone who does not recognize Christmas and the savior Jesus Christ, such as unfeeling atheists or Jews, must abstain from abortions around Christmas for the benefit of us all. Even though Jesus was Jewish. Wait …
As brethren and fellow children of the Almighty, we have an obligation to one another to set aside our personal beliefs for the good of humanity. We have a responsibility to overlook long-held prejudices toward organizations we don’t—or haven’t even tried to—understand. We have a duty to usher into the world the only one who could stop the COVID-19 pandemic (after approximately 33 years): Jesus Christ.