A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Clinic

Laughter is part of so many life experiences, including some of the most intense and challenging ones. Yet when it comes to abortion, humor can seem almost entirely taboo.

So, have you
heard the one about the girl who got the abortion and … it was, well
… kind of funny? Probably not. Laughter and humor are a part of so many
life experiences, including some of the most intense and challenging
ones. Yet when it comes to abortion, humor can seem almost entirely
taboo. 

On the most
basic level, humor is anything that is intended to make us laugh, including
parody, irony, satire, exaggeration, practical jokes, and, my personal
favorite, Freudian slips. Humor can affect our perception of things
and can relieve stress. Humor can also create bonds between people who
never realized they had much in common. Humor can protect us from our
own emotions when they are too strong, and it can help us to feel our
emotions when we are cut off from them. However, humor can also be used
to create instability and insecurity in others. It can be used to preserve
stereotypes. It can be wielded as a sword, cutting others while protecting
you.  

To explore
the issue of abortion and humor, Our Truths-Nuestras Verdades
went to the best source: people with personal experiences with abortion.
Forty-eight women and men responded to an online survey that asked them
to reflect on their own experiences with abortion and humor, and to
discuss how others’ use of humor about abortion affects them. 

Finding
Humor in the Strangest Situations

Some of the
women who answered the survey said they had
used humor to feel better or to cope with their feelings, both during
their abortion experiences and afterward. For example, two women encountered
funny characters during their abortion experience who made them laugh
and lighten up: 

"The
funniest thing I can remember is that the doc was wearing
Groucho Marx glasses, nose, mustache
– the whole bit. He was hilarious."
 

"As
I sat with my feet in the stirrups after waiting for hours to even get
into the procedure room, a nurse came in and said,
‘Your socks match your eyes.’ Laughter and humor helps me
feel better about everything."
 

Another woman
saw something that wasn’t funny – until later: 

"Some
may not find this funny, but some people joke about using a clothes
hanger to perform an abortion. Well, while I was in the clinic, one
of the girl’s boyfriends locked his keys in his car and a nurse went
by with a clothes hanger to help him unlock his car. It scared me at
the time, but it’s kinda funny now."
 

Two women told
stories of their partners’ reactions, which, the women say, were ridiculous: 

"Dude
wanted a receipt. I sent him a copy, with my name whited-out, and addressed
to Mr. HisLastName. He was living with his conservative father."
 

"I
had to laugh when my boyfriend admitted he had been irresponsible by
urging me to have unprotected sex, but then said something along the
lines of, ‘Man, I didn’t really think I could get anyone pregnant
because I’ve done so many drugs.’"
 

Several women
said humor helped ease the tension of the experience and gave them confidence. 

"We
kept referring to it as our ‘after-school special experience’ because
it felt like one of those bad after-school specials. That made us laugh."
 

These women
were not only able to find humor in their abortion experiences and in
the circumstances surrounding their unplanned pregnancies, but many
felt that the ability to laugh in these situations actually helped them
cope with other feelings, including fear, self-doubt, and shame.   

Yet, not all
of our respondents found anything in their abortion experience to make
them laugh. A few women said they longed for the relief that laughter
might bring – but seemed unable to find it.  

"I
wish there could have been something funny or humorous surrounding (my
abortion), but I kind of fell apart."
 

One woman felt
that laughter and humor would have undermined the seriousness of the
situation. 

"I
don’t think my mother found anything funny about fetal genetic disorders,
or about having to face a panel of doctors to get permission to have
an abortion. None of the women I’ve known who’ve terminated accidental
pregnancies ever joked or laughed about it in my presence, either."
 

Your browser may not support display of this image.Sharing and Over-Sharing

While some
women had funny stories to tell about their abortion, telling other
people about these experiences appears to be a tricky business. Many
women felt overexposed after sharing their experience and felt that
their disclosure had caused discomfort in others.   

"I
think people found it funny but kinda made them nervous, too
… the whole stigma about abortion, like it was somehow inappropriate."
 

For these women,
sharing their story with certain groups exposed them the discomfort
and negativity of others. 

"I’ve
talked about it. The reaction is different depending on the audience.
Some friends think it’s kind of hilarious, others are mildly horrified."
 

To find a balance
between sharing and over-sharing, many women emphasized telling the
"right group of people." 

"I
probably talk too much about my abortion, anyway, for most people’s
comfort. I can’t help it, since it led to an entire life and career
change on my part (to become a sexuality educator). But whenever I insert
anecdotes about my pregnancy in casual conversation, people become uncomfortable.
I am lucky to have a cynical group of friends who hold the world in
the proper perspective, and these women think it’s all hilarious."

Abortion
Humor and Hollywood: It Depends on Who’s Telling the Joke
 

Women in our
survey were able to name television shows, movies, and comedy shows
that had made jokes about abortion. However, many of the women were
quick to point out that abortion is covered infrequently by the media
and usually not very well.  

A few themes
came up as women discussed abortion and humor in the media. First, the
absence of a realistic portrayal of abortion in the comedy genre came
up when women were discussing the recent films Juno and Knocked
Up

"I
think what we all think about right now are the recent movies

Juno and Knocked Up, both of which dance around abortion and
try to pretend as though they’re joking; while simultaneously making
clear that it’s the morally repugnant choice for a heroine, the plotline
is attempting to win your heart. I’ve never seen abortion related in
the media in a way I’ve related to."
 

"I
feel that recent comedies about unplanned pregnancies treat the prospect
of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting like it’s the easy and always
appropriate choice."
 

A few woman
said many comic writers who do address abortion – whether in a movie,
TV show, stand-up routine, or magazine – tend to stereotype women
who have abortions, making the women the punch line rather than the
comic heroine. One woman suggested that Hollywood leave abortion humor
to women actors and comics to avoid negative stereotyping. 

"I
think it would almost have to be a woman making the joke. I think I’ve
heard Chris Rock making jokes about it, and I mostly found them to be
reinforcing negative stereotypes about women."
 

Highlighting
this point, two women discussed a Sarah Silverman skit that depicted
her getting three abortions over three decades to the tune of Green
Day’s "Time of Your Life." These women found Sarah Silverman’s
spin on the abortion experience funny and refreshing. Perhaps one difference
was that the woman was clearly in the driver’s seat of the joke.

Future Directions
for Humor and Healing
 

In responding
to this survey, women and men argued that abortion humor is personal
on many levels. Abortion stories, even funny ones, involve personal
experiences that they rarely share with others. Women felt that by telling
their stories to others, they ran the risk of sharing with someone who
wouldn’t understand their experience or wouldn’t share their sense
of humor. Considering these concerns, it isn’t surprising that women
also mistrusted the media’s portrayal of abortion.  

Yet, as I read
these stories about abortion, what struck me is how authentically funny
and heartwarming they are. I wonder: If women aren’t able to tell
their stories because they fear judgment or over-sharing, then who is
left to tell their stories but the media? Are there other possibilities
for abortion humor?  

The idea of
using humor to cope with or heal from a difficult experience is not
unique to abortion. In the context of illness, there are libraries of
self-help books that promote the use of humor in coping with everything
from cancer to bipolar disorder. Yet, women who seek to cope with or
heal from abortion may encounter the same obstacles that other people
experience when using humor to heal from disease. While some diseases,
like breast cancer and multiple sclerosis, engender sympathy and understanding
in most people, diseases like HIV/AIDS or certain mental illnesses may
engender blame or revulsion. People with these stigmatized illnesses
may have to work harder to find and sustain opportunities for shared
humor.   

Women who have
abortions can experience similar isolation and stigma. Women who want
to use humor to heal from and cope with their experiences with unplanned
pregnancy and abortion must find creative ways to organize and discuss
their feelings and thoughts about abortion. Through online bulletin
boards, magazines, blogs, or videos, women can find the nonjudgmental
atmosphere they deserve, where they can comfortably share their experiences
without worrying they might be "over-sharing."  

It’s also
time to urge the media to create a new representation of women who have
had abortions. Following in the footsteps of other marginalized groups
that have used comedy effectively to reduce stigma, prejudice, and discrimination,
women writers need to explore abortion in their novels, screenplays,
comedy routines, and blogs. Media that tells the abortion stories of
women with the same warmth and humor demonstrated by women and men who
filled out this survey may take us a long way toward reducing the stigma
that women experience when they have abortions.

This post was first published in Exhale’s magazine for women who have had abortions, Our Truths/Nuestras Verdades.