When men decide to fight over my uterus there is something seriously wrong. The mock tribunal, which was organised by the Kenya Human Rights Commission in partnership with the Reproductive Health and Rights Alliance, was to bring to the fore the issue of abortion and also the voices of the women who have undergone unsafe abortions.

What we saw in the media was the fight at the podium with people who had one motive only; to disrupt the tribunal. Their aim was to divert the attention from the discussion that was taking place and direct it to drama. The media played into the game and that's what got most airplay and space in our papers.

It is a fact that the law in Kenya is restrictive as far as abortion is concerned but in the same breath is skewed towards the rich. A rich woman can have access to termination of pregnancy under the law, but a poor woman can't.

This is simply because in a country where the doctor patient ratio is 1:10,000, poor women can't access health care let alone reproductive health care. The law requires two doctors to certify that your life would be in danger if you carried the pregnancy to term; unfortunately the law is oblivious of the fact that many people can't get access to even one doctor.

In an attempt to have a sober discussion with all stake holders including the pro-choice and anti-choice groups, the Alliance and KHRC brought a "taboo" subject to the fore. The programme stated that we would listen to the women's testimonies then people would be welcome to give their comments and finally have "judgement" on the human rights violation, medical and social economic issues raised by the testifiers

There was an interlude of drama when some men decided they didn't like the way the programme was set and chose to jump onto the podium to voice the same. Before I turn this article into a dramatic narrative, let me proceed to say that it's about time we stopped casting the stone at the woman and looked at what drives women to insert needles, pens, bicycle spokes and coat hangers in their uteruses to try and terminate a pregnancy. It's about time we asked "where are the men in all these situations?"

While this article is not about a debate of whether or not to legalise abortion in Kenya, it's my prayer that hypocrisy will not rule the day and cloud this issue that is taking away Kenyan women's lives.

A woman who chooses to terminate a pregnancy — for whatever reason — should be heard before judgement is passed upon her. It's been a long journey to where we are now, with laws allowing men to walk free while the woman carries the burden of proof of sex — pregnancy.

I have had the opportunity of listening to women who have undergone unsafe abortions speak and it has left a harrowing impression in my mind. I was once of the school of thought that someone should never get pregnant in the first place! But that is when my ignorance led me to believe that all women have access to contraceptives; when I thought that a woman's body belonged to her to do as she pleases with it; when I wondered how a man could actually rape his child; when the society embraced children born out of wedlock and when men took responsibility for their actions; a world where the poor and rich were on the equal footing.

Sadly, growing up has made me look at life's harsh realities. That the man who makes you pregnant will not always be there. In fact, sometimes the love dies as soon as he realizes you are pregnant. For those who stay around, child support is hardly there and the law doesn't make them pay. Society, on the other hand, looks down upon the woman and the church does not embrace a single woman with a child out of wedlock the same way it does if the woman walked down the isle first and then got pregnant.

For the poor woman it's even worse. Poverty alone inhibits one to negotiate for sex or even use protection. Coming from a background of vulnerability leaves the woman in a precarious position from the time she is born to the time she dies because of an unsafe abortion.

In a world where respect for women is almost nonexistent, it's not strange to hear stories of incest, rape and abandonment on the rise. With these a woman is still stigmatized and it's always a woman's fault. The society refuses to take responsibility for its action and put mechanisms in place to deal with the issue of unintended pregnancies; instead it looks for a scapegoat and in this case it's the woman.

If you ask me, put contraceptive measures in place, ensure that men are responsible for the children they sire and an adoption mechanism would be a good place to start. Next, increase incidents for abortion where rape and incest occur, then start fighting over who is right or wrong.

And as young women meet to discuss violence, HIV/AIDS and their reproductive health rights, I hope that one of these fine days we will put our emotions away and listen to each other on this issue of abortion. Or maybe we should ask ourselves why a woman's uterus should be governed.

So as men fight over the uterus they should look at themselves and society and start taking responsibility because as long as you continue pointing fingers, women will still injure themselves and die. I wish we could have more tribunals on abortion, if nothing else to just highlight the hypocrisy and selectiveness society puts on a woman's uterus.